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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 3:32:37 GMT -5
I realized that I'm running a tad low on business, which is such a shame. And so, I've come here to introduce myself and peddle my wares.
You may call me Joel, and I am the Merchant of Darkness. A gentleman of the second-highest calibur who has come to bring you all wonderful things from across the infinite ponds upon which our beautiful frogs squat.
I can bring you weapons. I can bring you tools to start a scratch. I can bring you solutions that lead to victory. I can bring methods to travel safely and only slightly molested across the ring.
And all I ask is for your deaths.
Yes. Yes, I am a Player Killer. I admit it freely! But I am not a liar, despite being a Rogue. I am the very opposite of a liar. And of course, I do not kill wontonly, and I do not... always... kill permanently. It really depends on the wishes of my benefactors.
Sometimes my services require you die while you still have an extra life. Sometimes my services will even help you ascend (which by the way is SUCH a deal; I mean you get stuff AND turn into a god? Doesn't that sound too good to be true? It isn't too good to be true!)
And sometimes.......
Well, it's truly a Heroic death to give your life to the merchant of darkness so your friends may continue to play.
Either way, I hope that I haven't put you off too much. I really don't kill any players who haven't paid for my services, but you understand that my benefactors do require I ask for your lives in exchange.
I hope this doesn't mean we can't all get along. I'd love to be everyone's friends. Heck, I'll even throw in a "Pay with a Heroic God's Death, Get One Eulogy Free!" Guarenteed to be mournful and stirring enough to make even CD cry. ...Okay that's not so hard. Well, likely but not guarenteed to make HB cry.
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Post by stanzicApparati on Nov 25, 2012 6:51:53 GMT -5
I can bring you weapons. I can bring you tools to start a scratch. I can bring you solutions that lead to victory. I can bring methods to travel safely and only slightly molested across the ring.
You might be trying for "mysterious semi-omnipotent dude with connections to Powers Beyond The Ken Of Mortals" but you're coming off as a weak poser.
Seriously, "Merchant of Darkness"? I doubt you even know any names of your alleged "benefactors" (which I suspect you'll claim are Others). |
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 9:07:01 GMT -5
...
That.... wasn't the reaction I was expecting.
Did I come off too strong? Oh gog it's knife sales all over again. D: I don't want to sell knives again.
Okay, relax, William, relax. So what if it's a tough market here? That's okay, it's cool. Surely the market on Bargains With Beasts Which Aren't Actually The Bargain With The Beast can't be too oversaturated, can it?
Excuse me, Troll stanzicApparati, if you don't think my sales pitch is going to work too well around this crowd, what kind of sales strategy would you recommend.
You see, I was sort of content with just going between sessions as my benefactors suggested, but I wanted to inject some real excitement into our numbers! They were all "THIS IS STUPID" and "Someone is going to kill you if you act like an idiot", but I insisted on expanding out business to encompass the replayer community at large.
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cannonOverload
Full Member
SIX SUPERHEATED ROTATING CHAINSAWS.%\0\%
Posts: 107
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Post by cannonOverload on Nov 25, 2012 9:56:07 GMT -5
... That.... wasn't the reaction I was expecting. Did I come off too strong? Oh gog it's knife sales all over again. D: I don't want to sell knives again. LET ME GUESS, YOU TRIED TO SELL KNIVES TO DERSITE ARCH-AGENT JACK NOIR. I HOPE HE THOROUGHLY SHOWED YOU JUST HOW GOOD HE IS WITH KNIVES. ON YOUR SQUISHY, SQUISHY BODY. |
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 11:02:29 GMT -5
No, I just tried to sell knives when I was back on Earth for some dumb marketing company to get some spare cash.
Such a pyramid scheme.
Besides, there's no point in selling knives to Jack Noir. I haven't found a session yet where he doesn't have all the knives. All of them.
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Post by stanzicApparati on Nov 25, 2012 15:02:19 GMT -5
Okay, relax, William, relax. So what if it's a tough market here? That's okay, it's cool. Surely the market on Bargains With Beasts Which Aren't Actually The Bargain With The Beast can't be too oversaturated, can it? Excuse me, Troll stanzicApparati, if you don't think my sales pitch is going to work too well around this crowd, what kind of sales strategy would you recommend. You see, I was sort of content with just going between sessions as my benefactors suggested, but I wanted to inject some real excitement into our numbers! They were all "THIS IS STUPID" and "Someone is going to kill you if you act like an idiot", but I insisted on expanding out business to encompass the replayer community at large.
Besides, transferring items between a person in one session and a person in a different session is unreliable at best. Food works fine, but anything non-edible? Forget it.
No one's going to buy something they can't reliably obtain. Also, people are going to think you're crazy and they are going to react however they feel appropriate. There are PKKers, after all. |
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 16:39:39 GMT -5
There's a reason that I hand-deliver all my products; that being they don't transfer very well unless you carry them. Plus I actually have to take my price.
And I'll have you know that I am being a very respectable merchant! Hmmph! I'm not even talking in my favored tongue because even I know that it's impolite to spill... uh... well, you call it corruption so I'll use that turn, it's rude to spill corruption all over the place without asking.
Well, maybe I can still capitalize on the "nearly" part of the nearly nonexistant.
I hope we can all get along, despite the fact that there are aspects of my job that most players find to be quite impolite.
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Post by genesisArtificer on Nov 25, 2012 17:41:28 GMT -5
darknessMerchant. You had confirmed that you are a PK. You had basically confirmed that you deal with Others. while we are accepting you as a Player here (albeit reluctantly), you will need to abide by our rules, those being: NO PLAYER KILLING and AVOIDING DEALS WITH THE OTHERS. if you are deep enough in this shit that you are able to navigate the Ring unmolested, that means you are on the slippery slope.
... I hope that you are aware of Void Shakes, as in Otherwise-Corruption Reduction Potions and you peruse them often. if you are actually a Speaker, then know that we will hear you out, but will not accept your deals. people here know the procedures of protection against Corruption of your ilk ( pro tip to everyone who reads this: Alchemize your computers with Frogs. this is an efficient Ichor-filter).
If you won't play by our rules, then you will be met with opposition from everyone who upholds allegiance to Genesis Frog, and you will find yourself disconnected from this network.
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 18:10:49 GMT -5
Why is it that you hold allegience to the Genesis Frog? What did the Genesis Frog do for you? What does it do for you? Why is it so holy that you align yourselves unshakingly with the Genesis Frog?
Moreover, what is completely evil about the Others? Many of them oppose Skaia in a direct way, and seek to prevent the birth of new worlds. But surely many Derse dreamers have benefitted from their words and gone on to create universes. And there are many who have benefitted from dreambubbles they willingly glub. I do admit there are some which are pure rot and pure hate and have never benefitted a single player, so I understand your perspective.
But humans hate killing, while Alternian trolls just do the same thing. My benefactors would prefer I speak our preferred tongue whenever possible but I consider that a shitty thing to do outside conversation with them as it tends to.... ruin things.
I thank you for your politeness, gA. I will ask to be treated as an ambassator if you cannot accept me as a merchant. Although I do not think that I am what you call a "speaker". The power of the Others can be terribly... heavy-handed at times, yes, but I have not lost myself entirely to the power of my benefactors. Changed, yes, but their touch does not hurt the way the touch of those destroyers you call "angels" hurts.
EDIT: I figured I may as well add that if you require I will suspend business for a time while I remain connected to this network. However, it is not an option for me to simply become a regular player. In time I will have to leave to resume business. I do not lie. If I knowingly and willingly tell a lie, the Geas I have place upon myself to increase my power will tear me apart. I don't particularly recommend it, but a sufficiently powerful Seer of Law should be able to confirm my statement.
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Post by stanzicApparati on Nov 25, 2012 18:59:52 GMT -5
"What has the Genesis Frog done for you?" ...dude. Are you seriously asking that of a Space player? The Space player?
Seriously? You're not doing anything to get rid of that perception that you're fucking nuts, you know.
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 19:12:12 GMT -5
Well anyone who has that conception is probably correct. But despite any holes in my head or heart I manage to function.
Besides, sanity nor the lackthereof has done nothing to diminish that my questions are still valid questions, nor my commitment to service with a smile. All I ask is you consider my words and questions, and if you have answers, keep them to yourself or say them for all to hear. If you haven't answers, then perhaps you needed a madman to ask them, hm?
Service which my curiousity as to this community has nessessitated I put on hold, of course.
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Post by genesisArtificer on Nov 25, 2012 19:22:33 GMT -5
i guess that you represent those tentacle groupies that don't wish our imminent termination, which is quite good. still, rules are simple, breaking them is punished, welcome aboard.
as a member of community you will get some privilages, like connection to PTowers and real food alimentator hack, but you have to be helpful in a way that doesn't endanger or force people to Corrupt themselves.
re: GFrog. You had never seen a Genesis Frog through [Spatial Perception], did you.
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Post by mislaidLullaby on Nov 25, 2012 19:23:29 GMT -5
<| Firstly, we already have an ambassador |>
<| Secondly, assuming all Alternian trolls here are murderers is racist |>
<| Thirdly, we align with the Frog 'cos the Frog isn't out to consume our souls. It's the home of countless galaxies teeming with life and culture and all that. Why would we turn against that? |>
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Post by darknessMerchant on Nov 25, 2012 19:54:03 GMT -5
Oh. You aren't all out to murder people? I apologize for my cultural insensitivity. Oh, I have so much to learn!
And so much to teach! It will take time to figure out a way to transcribe their elegance, but I simply have to share a transcript of some of the rap battles between my benefactors and the noble circle of horrorterrors. ...er once I find a language I can put them in that everyone can read that won't inflict what you all call "corruption" on it's readers.
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Post by verbileVicenary on Nov 26, 2012 0:59:03 GMT -5
you should probably return to your original vector, william. you have arrived in the wrong blogosphere.
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