|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on May 23, 2017 9:26:17 GMT -5
Yukari: what. What about the grey wolf, the capybara, the Japanese crested ibis, that beaver flirting with the prairie dog? They're all cute animal girls, that's pretty much a prerequisite for being a beast youkai. Grey Wolf: ... They're all Friends. Yukari: What about the penguins or the aurochs? Grey Wolf: Friends. Those five penguins over there are also an idol group. Yukari: What about - Crunchyroll-hime what are you doing here you should be with your kinsmen off in the Fur Kingdom
Grey Wolf: We're… actually, we're not entirely sure about her. We think she was a tourist that keeps getting confused for a Friend, since the Lucky Beasts refuse to talk to her. Also, that's another new term that I haven't heard before. What is this 'Fur Kingdom'?
Suri Alpaca: You look stressed. Care for some tea and something to eat? Yukari: I'm a busy woman, I don't have - wait, is that… juniper berry tea? Sure, I'll take some time to have a spot of tea. Oh, also, where am I at the moment, so I can have a concrete landmark as I search for that hole?
Yukari: Uh, guys? You're kinda leav-
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on May 23, 2017 9:41:02 GMT -5
Act, like, 5 or something
-ing me hanging here. Yukari: ... huh. That's never happened before. Normally, if an act gets called at the bottom of a post, it shouldn't interrupt the current line of dialogue like that and splice itself into the next post. Perplexing. Yukari: ... although to be honest, the last time an act was called at the bottom of a post, it was in a post with only one speaking character and linked to a deviantART page.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 9:51:23 GMT -5
Yukari: Japari, huh. Oh, one last question: you girls seen any humans lately, or am I too late?
Silver Fox: Nah, you're really only a day late. Kaban only left on boat yesterday, off… uh, thataway.
Yukari: Ah, thanks. For a moment there, I thought I'd be inconveniencing random people again. Anyway, I might just drop by later for some of that tea and those delectable meat buns.
Yukari: Oh, by the way, what's this suspicious-looking fellow and what should I do with her?
Grey Wolf: Uh-oh. We couldn't even go a month without another black Cerulean cropping up. Go throw that thing in the sea, please - the mere presence of one caused the humans that used to work here to leave. We haven't heard from them since, and Kaban was the first human we've seen in… oh, about two months? The park staff closed it down about 20 years ago to fight the colossus but only gave up five years ago.
Yukari: Hmm. There's an offshore inactive oil platform here. Uh, sit tight and don't touch anything. I'll be back soon.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 9:58:23 GMT -5
Yukari: Huh. Someone took the cab part of one of the safari buses and converted it into an impromptu boat. Looks like the battery is dead.
Yukari: … The punning potential is too large to ignore. I shall call this… a ‘Japari Bus’.
Yukari: What? Don't look at me like that. Hmm, could use some upgrades… a wider roof, better driving interface, a contact radio… Okay, job finished! Let’s poke around some more.
Yukari: Oh, a hume! But… She looks sick. Just another part of this mystery - I'd better take care of her. C’mon, let’s get you cleaned off, you poor AHH OW WHO WHAT WHERE?
??????: Take your hands off Kaban, stranger, and tell me what kind of Friend you are - Yukari: Take your hands off Yukari, stranger, and tell me what kind of youkai you are -
Serval: Um. Uh… What's a youkai? Yukari: I am a youkai, a creature of Japanese myth given human form. Not all youkai have to be mythological, as many youkai are animals that have taken humanoid form. Like you, for example.
Serval: … *smack*
Serval: You're speaking complete nonsense. I'm not a youkai (whatever that means.) I'm a Friend, an animal that has come into contact with Sandstar. Given that you just pulled that fan out of… something, I can accept the claim that you are not a Friend, but you still haven't let go of Kaban.
Yukari: Well that's because she's sick! I need to get her washed off, and then get some fresh clothing on her, and then figure out what's ailing her. Since I assume you have no idea how to do medicine, it falls to me, the woman who knows how the faith of humans can be used to make a barrier or give life to gods. So let me do my own thing, and I'll have her well in no time.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:03:20 GMT -5
Yukari: “TEWI, TEWI, TATSUKE TEWI!™”
Tewi: Yeah yeah, I'm coming ya crazy gap hag, whadda ya want?
Yukari: I got a sick one here, can you make an antidote?
Tewi: Sure, sure, can do. Got a sample?
Yukari: Yeah.
Tewi: eeh… there's problems, boss. The antidote’s in two parts, and they're toxic when put together. I don't know if it’s gonna be safe or not.
Yukari: Hmm. I'm gonna see if Patches can neutralize the reaction. That alright with you?
Tewi: No problems on my end. Tell me if she improves the medicine, kay?
Yukari: Sure. PATCHY! Need your assistance here!
Patchouli: Quiet! This is a library, not a… oh, it's you. What do you want.
Yukari: Got two medicines that are toxic when put together. Think you can solve that? I'll offer 50 kilograms gold if you can do it in two hours.
Patchouli: It's going to take at least four times that to make me rush that job that much. Normally that's a two-day job, you know.
Yukari: Okay. Three hundred kilos, and fifty pounds of cobalt if you can do it in one day?
Patchouli: What is this, highway bribery? I'll try to have it done in eight.
Yukari: Kay. I'll hold you to that then.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:04:34 GMT -5
About two hours later… Patchouli: Actually I found a better solution. Makai had basically the same problem. I only needed to add a pinch of salt to finish it. Patchouli: Give her exactly one quarter of the bottle every half hour or immediately if she pukes. Don't worry, I've got more if she needs it. Yukari: Got it. You hear that, Serval? Yukari: I gotta search some more. Hmm, let's see… That way.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:09:02 GMT -5
Yukari: Man, those are some nasty things and GREAT THERE'S MORE OF THEM. Go, Ran, and slaughter! 式神「八雲藍」! (Unnamed trooper): woah that lady is flying. Look at her. She's smashing those Blacks with her bare hands! Quickly, back her up, we've found the army and the queen! (Another trooper): Look out, stranger! It's gonna hit you with that arm, and then you turn back into an… *ahem* I… I stand corrected. (Did she just throw it into another while she was inside it?) Yukari: Ha. Nice try with that pseudopod there, but it'll take a lot more than simple digestion to bring me down. Trust me, I once spent a week in the stomach of a sandworm. It wasn't fun, but I survived. (third trooper): Woah. That was AWESOME.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:12:16 GMT -5
{bgm: ///CERULEAN ASSAULT IN PROGRESS///} Yukari: That's a big one. Looks like a Forgotten Beast, no less - some sort of, uh… ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty… at least a hundred, and with an odd number of limbs, no less. Ran? Get ready. I can smell the culprit nearby. Ran: Yukari-sama, more helicopters have arrived, and they're heavily armed. What's our plan of action?Yukari: Shut up, Ran. Ran: Sorry.Yukari: SHUT UP! We attack the black things, as they're the aggressive ones. We'll just pray that those silly humans decide to help out. Oh, and get your spellcards out, too. ???: Pathetic. You only brought two Friends? The Black Queen will tear you all to pieces. Your dinky little helicopters with their silly little missiles will not stop me from taking Sandstar rho for my empire. Japari Park is dead. The Black Colossus that I sent there made sure of that. (Although… if so, why can't I feel it anymore?) Yukari: DON'T LISTEN TO HER LIES! well they're not exactly lies she's just got the wrong information. I've been there, you see: it's freaking thriving back there. You underestimate your opponents. ???: What! Yukari: Did you not notice how it followed the sun? The Friends all rallied together and put it on a NICE BOAT. Did you not test every variable before you set it out? ???: Say what! Yukari: Also, I can neutralize your army in a heartbeat. [Boundary of Sky and Sea]! Even the Destroyers don't automatically cool into volcanic rock and ferrous metals when thrown into the sea. You're finished! Bounded Field「Boundary of Life and Death」! ???: … ??? What is this, a rave? Your stupid laser light show doesn't faze me. I can walk up and eat you right - ow! Okay, you made your point. Now die, both of you. Ran: … Ran: Hello. My name is Ran Yakumo. You ate my master. Prepare to die.Ran appears to pull out a small red cigarette, and lights it as Yukari is flung into sea. Ran: Oh no you don't! You're only gonna get a foot if you're very lucky - hup! Damn. Here, take this as a reward. Ran, just as she gets struck, dives off the side as she spits out her cigarette… which is promptly swallowed up by her assailant as she gets flung overboard due to momentum - and that was actually a tiny stick of dynamite because it just exploded, sending the Black Queen to its oceanic grave.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:48:43 GMT -5
(Sometime later…)Act… aw, fukkit. Whatever. Who the cares what act this is anymore, because I don't. I Was The Sun (Before It Was Cool)
Ezo Red Fox: - argh! Would they just stop fighting over me! Ezo Red Fox: Huh. Looks like we've settled down. Seems like I'm being offered… free games? And somebody else is willing to pay for them? Hmm… choices, choices… Ezo Red Fox: This game. It calls to me. I want to play gemu. >ezored: Uh, Karkat-kun (is that the proper honorific for you?) I'd like to play Starbound. >FRUSTACEAN: SURE. I CAN BUY THAT FOR YOU. ALSO, YOU DON'T NEED TO BOTHER WITH HONORIFICS WITH ME. JUST DON'T APPEND -CHAN TO MY NAME. >ezored: Thanks! >FRUSTACEAN: NO PROBLEM. BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE MODS! Ezo Red Fox: Wow. There's a lot of mods here. Let's see… mmm? What is this ‘Eastern Project’? I'll have to look into that later. Ezo Red Fox: Huh. That mod is in some sort of collection… ‘New Palace of Earth Spirits’. Okay… huh. Ningen, Kemono, Felin, Avali… Matter Manipulator Manipulator, Extended Songbook, Orcana, Cutebound… huh, it's saying that it's intended for members of a Steam group. Ezo Red Fox: Interesting. I have to be approved by a member to join? I suppose I can do that.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:50:10 GMT -5
Meanwhile… Momiji: Orin! We've got a new person that wants to join the group, and I can't figure out who they are! Orin: On it right now… and… and… aw, drat. This ‘ezored’ person must be really good at hiding their IP and pretty much everything else. Yo, Parser, could ya check my code? Parsee: It's PARSEE, not Parser! (But it’s funny that you should call me that.) Also, yeah, you've done everything I've learned off Seija. Time to call her in, then. Seija: Sorry pal, I'm not the best hacker anymore. I'll call in Demo. If that armless one-eyed prodigy can't locate her, I'd say just let her in but keep a close eye on her. Demo: Sorry I'm late, I got here on short notice. Just when I'd almost beaten ZUN’s level, too. Let's see what we've got here… hmm… Demo: This, uh, might actually take a while. Why don't you rewind the tape and point the fenestrated plane someplace interesting, like the shrine?
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:50:53 GMT -5
Minutes in the past (about sixty…) Reimu: *yawn* what is that awful racket outside… that god-awful cacophony woke me up nearly a whole hour and ten early… Reimu: … the hell? … isn’t it too early for this? MOOOOOOOOOOM, HELP ME! Reimu: GOD DAMMIT YUKARI I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF PENGUINS! Yukari: I'm actually just as surprised as you are. I'd assume they're the penguins that recently went missing from the Tobu Zoo in the middle of the day, but the border’s too unstable for a mass transport. Perhaps Nazrin can help? Nazrin: Sure, my schedule’s free today. I'll walk these guys home. What do you value most that you have lost, mister penguin? Nazrin: Oh. Okay then. That's not too far from the shrine, although I'm gonna need a cart to transport these guys. That's at least twenty of the flightless aquatic birds, and it's hard to carry more than one at a time. Now if I recall, Reimu has a cart right over… there.
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:52:00 GMT -5
Nazrin: Um. That was a short trip. Yukari, did you move the door? It's literally in the installation itself. (Also, some girl in a yellow shirt is holding a penguin. And since my eyes perceive reality, there’s a penguin youkai standing right behind her of pretty much identical stature holding a completely static pose.) Ikuko Chikuta: Huh? You’re speaking nonsense, that’s just a cutout of Hululu. Nazrin: … And now I’m speaking to a human. The only thing I signed up for was delivering these penguins back to the zoo. How does nearly an entire exhibit’s worth of penguins end up being forgotten in broad daylight and then wind up at the Hakurei Shrine the morning after? Ikuko Chikuta: ??? Nazrin: No, seriously. Yukari! We gonna send this youkai home or waaaAAAAH! (Nazrin, pursued by a penguin.)
|
|
|
Post by Nefer Nightbug on Jun 3, 2017 10:53:36 GMT -5
Meanwhile… Yukari: WHY CAN’T I FIND THAT HOLE IN THE BARRIER??? Why is it so difficult? I’ve been forced to install a freaking Stargate in my house just to get between realms! ???: Yukari, settle down. We’ll figure it out eventually. Yukari: Shut up, Mirai. You don’t know what it’s like to be unable to go where you please when doing so would tear massive holes in Reality. Mirai: Look, If you want your... actually who’s that over there? I don’t remember that Friend being here before. Yukari: ... ‘s the hole in my barrier. OH NO YOU DON’T! I’M GONNA FEED YOU TO THE CERULEANS! Mirai: Eep?! I thought we had them all under control?! Yukari: I’ve actually kept a hidden stash of about 24 of them on one of the offshore landing platforms. Yukari: TENKAI! GET TO TOBU ZOO, FIND THE PENGUINS! I GOT THE HOLE ON MY SIDE! Okay, finally, glad that’s done. I can finally, finally take charge of Gensokyo’s recovery - Mirai: No, you’re not. If you want me in your silly ‘Wonderland Consortium’ you’re gonna have to work for me. No alternatives. Yukari: ... ... ... ... ... Yukari: ... ... ... ... ... Yukari: ... fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine... Can I at least end the book here so that we don’t have to waste another couple hours going through the BeePre scandal and your connection with Aardwolf? Mirai: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Be my guest.
|
|