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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 4, 2017 14:17:22 GMT -5
gM: The answer is thirty-seven and a half, you bloody (adorable) idiots!!!
gM: For the record, you were wrong ever since you carried the one. I don't know what possessed you to take the square root and excuse me I did not give you two permission to start a, um. Kalideo, what part of the body is that? hK: The mammary gland, miss- gM: I distinctly remember not giving you permission to start a busom ooija and oh god why bY: no no no! You're doing the arms wrong and those feet are made of fish!
(gentlemanMannerism blows the blackboard to bits)
gM: Stay. On. Topic. Gods-damn. Jenovia on a hot buttered...pancake. Your stupidity is starting to rub off on me. mT: May I suggest that we drop something large, heavy and/or pointy from a great height on top of him? gM: Finally, a good idea! But how will we contain him?
All: ...
hT: We have him chase a mare because he’s - oh, f- bY: This “trump” asshat is from Texas, ya dumb ninny. Also, your plan is just as atrocious as mine is. gM: And pray tell, what would your plan be? Also, Axemond, you are dismissed from this conference. bY: We distract him with beef. Since he’s Texan and all…
bY: What?
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 4, 2017 14:23:53 GMT -5
gM: That is the dumbest thing that I have ever heard and yet it actually might work. Let's leave it as plan B. Anyone else? sS: the kaguya ruse was a….. DISTACTION gM: How so? He has already given up on taking the immortal beauty. sS: I’m not aiming at him. I’m aiming at one of his guards. If we can get just one enthralled, we can strip him bare and replace him with a mole. Then, one of us fakes being captured, our mole takes us to the scoundrel, and then we off him.
gM: But who will be the mole? sS: I've actually had my eye on a small-time god for a while. Besides his height, he looks perfectly like the guard I want to capture.
gM: (sigh) What's the height difference? sS: He is exactly two inches too tall, but you would never notice unless you stood him back-to-back with another guard. gM: THAT'S PERFECT! Okay, so once we deal with this militant American, how do we interrupt Chara’s machinations? sS: Give her the bastard? gM: That might work. Another possible member of her crew would throw a wrench in her plans. Okay, next order of business is Primeus. Any plans?
hK: Liberate the dolls, storm his base, and like, pump the victim's wombs? mT: A stomach pump is one of the few things Doc Erin lacks in her hospital, and we can't reach the Organization. Also, Iji just stormed out of a hole in the library and is currently kicking people in the gonads and reflecting rockets. gM: SESSION IS OVER. Wake up and fight, guys: we’ve got company, and they're here to screw us.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 4, 2017 14:25:32 GMT -5
SIDE THREE: BAG QUEST Act FINALLY WE CAN PROGRESS WITH THIS GAME (Or, In Which We Look At Our Reflection And Proclaim That We Have The Dumbest Hat In All The Land) (And then we have a Greninja train our team while we hide underground)
So, uh, if you’re reading this, then, well, hi there. I’m Alice Latian, buuut you likely know that already since I’ve come to the conclusion that I am just a player character in a videogame that the story is using. I think. I at least know that I’m not the one that put all this text wherever you’re seeing it. Yes, being part Sylvari on your mother’s side while also being a satori and a Latias either makes one have really weird thoughts that you can’t confirm or allows you to see the workings of reality. Strange, no?
So, for the past few months now, I’ve been having Ash’s Greninja train my Pokémon for me while the Aether Foundation business settles down. Now that it has, it’s time to get out of this photo spot while nobody is looking, grab Hoopa now that he’s here, and make a break for it. So far, so good. The only people in my way to the next Pokémon Center were some random trainers and the pair of Grunts that triggered this whole issue. Now I’m looking for someone with - ah, here we go. That’s the right bouncy house. Now that I have that, I can move along with this… undercover spy operation.
TELL NO ONE, okay?
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 4, 2017 14:36:43 GMT -5
Side 1 Act 1: Pensive
Arikan: What's all this ruckus about?... (Am I really that imposing? I thought they'd take lots of pictures of me, not scamper off posthaste.) Hey, you. You look powerful: tell me, what do you know of entamma?
Nefer: ...um, they are the magic users of the Zoincallia system in the Eridanus-Supervoid, they have been fighting the Cybers for ages, the Cybers are having their Constructs stolen, and the biggest threats to the Cybers are, in order: Sariel, Chara, and Boki. Your constructs, including the Syndromerian megaweapon Akeros, have been stolen by Sariel and are now in the employment of Chara.
Nefer: aaaand here we go, Constructs. Yo, Arikan: quiz ‘em on their superiors.
(multiple Exchikkes): WE SERVE LA-DY SAR-IE-L OF MA-KAI AND MAST-ER CHARA WITH-OUT QUEST-ION
Arikan: ... (This random guy on the street was right?! Oh, no no no, that can't… There’s no way that could-) Invader Armor: PRIORITY ONE: IMPEDE THE GOD. PRIORITY TWO: CAPTURE THE CYBER. PRIORITY THREE: RETURN THE RABBIT.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 4, 2017 14:39:44 GMT -5
One scuffle later, with Star Dream and Akeros fleeing in sheer terror…Nefer: That's definitely Erina and Ribbon over there. “I must know - why is all the magic in the Outside World located in Japan?” {BGM: CogDis - Pensive}
“Is it be-cause of you, hall-owed Nin-ten-do?” “The Mei-stro of mush-roo-ms, man-a-ging mar-ket shares” “Those drea-mers of I-toi, al-ways earth-bound” “Tact-ic-al swords-men with their, weap-on tri-ang-le” “Is it our inn-er Ic-a-rus: flight comes before a fall” “Is it a blue fal-con, a boun-ty hunt-er’s ship” “Is it the pink pop stars, with their own dream land” “Is it the furr-ed ar-ma-da, fly-ing right through space” “Teen-age-rs who train their mon,-sters in their pock-ets” “Is it the tin-y gar-den, arm-ed for great com-bat” “Is it be-cause of you, hall-owed Nin-ten-do?”
???: You would not be too far from the mark, Nightbug cosplayer-san.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 7:20:35 GMT -5
Side 2 Act 1: Those of Us who Fight
Patchouli: we’ve got (cough) incoming Marisa: Y’know, I’ve never seen Iji in combat. She’s got a gun, why is she only using her feet and performing nonlethal takedowns - Did she just reflect a rocket? bY: To arms! Push them back! fD: Hold the line! We can't let them push through, we have no other holdings!
aG: LOOK OUT! cU: I am the bone of my leg, the hand at my gun. I do not kill, but I still make people die. Those who unload their missiles into my face, will face explosive retribution. COME AT ME, MY FELLOW HUMAN SCUM - HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT! tT: What. cG: Quick, guys, GET TA DA TELEPORTTAH!
cU: All of you are a bunch of glass soldiers. Is the girl mashing your collective rear ends to the ground just that scary to you spineless dogs?... Are you guys actually not interested in the pretty girl, or...?
cU: Um. Is Gensokyo really so monogendered that the invaders of the opposite gender have turned homosexual? I mean, I respect that life choice, but...
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 7:30:41 GMT -5
Side 3 Act 1: THOU SHALT NOT INSULT THY HAT (Or, In Which Some Familiar Grunts Get Offended And Then Help Me) (And then we ride a Tauros into town and discover that despite the wanted posters being updated to fit our new town clothes, nobody will recognize you if you are in your riding outfit) I couldn't fit what I wanted to into the title. Okay, so, remember those Grunts? They did a bad job of sabotaging the trial. I claimed not to know them, and they helped me smoke out a trumpy rat. (I then learned that it is nearly impossible to control myself in combat. I wouldn’t listen to myself, because I wanted to look at the space between myself and myself.) Also, someone updated the wanted posters with my current attire, in red. So when I come into town on a Tauros, nobody even recognizes you anymore. I vow to spend a lot of time on a mount. I then have to call out Hau on him calling Lillie’s hat “silly.” What. A. Jerk.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 7:56:53 GMT -5
Side 1 Act 2: A wild doujin author appears! >STRIFE MODUS == CONVERSE >dialougelog.open {BGM: Rabi-Ribi - Midstream Jam} ???: Tell me, do you believe in the gods? Nefer: (crap! I gotta deflect this, he’s onto me!) What does it matter to you, beer aficionado? ???: I am just answering your question, crossplayer-san. (You pull off a very good Wriggle, by the way.) Nefer: Well, I've seen actual magic used on the world in which I live, so… Does that answer your question? ???: No, that's only magic and sorcery. I asked about your belief in the divine, baka. Nefer: The one who says idiot is the idiot! But let's go with “yes.” ???: There you have it. Belief is imagination - imagination is belief. If you can imagine something magical, and get enough people to believe in it, you get magic. If enough people imagine something divine, it becomes divine. Nefer: But how can something attain divinity if that something is nonexistent, o holy lord of bullet hell? ???: Wha-? Well, it would take a lot of faith in a nonexistent something to give that nothing a physical divine presence. One could reduce the amount of magic needed if there is enough magic in the area, but… (But… CAVE is harder!) Nefer: Besides, I know the pain of being starved for faith just as much as you. I, who for the longest time only got faith from a daughter I didn't even know existed. You, who have lost nearly all of your faithful in a nuclear war. Hell, every god on this plane and the next must be rapidly wasting away, seeing how only Australia and Japan escaped the devastation. Isn't that right, ZUN-sensei? ZUN: *thoroughly flabbergasted by now* Bwah-? (Is this behavior the new standard for people from America?) S-sensei? Where did that come from? Me, a god? I am very confused right now. Nefer: It was the mock worship of your millions of western fans, whether on the cesspool known as 4chan, the extensive image repository of pixiv, the expansive collection of the slightly-racy Danbooru, or the titanic amount of doujinshi that your franchise has spawned. Heck, some of those have spawned doujin works of themselves! ZUN: (O_O) Nefer: But I see it now. It's the entire game industry that is causing this magic. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a war to fight and a megalomaniac to torture.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:32:43 GMT -5
Side 2 Act 2: Kinda Green
cU: I wonder if anyone's noticed that I’ve actually gone and bugged everyone's uniforms yet. After all, a Dame needs to keep tabs on her team. (If anyone, it'll be that Ascended player that everyone looks up to. She always seems to have her eyes and ears in everything.) cU: Wait, what's this? The spineless dogs have made the Countess Yakumo one of their slave broodmothers? Oh no. Oh no no no. Nonononononono. I don't care if I ditch my squadmates now, I am NOT going to let them get away with this! cU: Great. About half the team that didn't take the teleporter and instead fled towards Maho have been reported missing. My Eidolon armor has a nonzero killcount and puts me in a sort of stasis. cU: When this all-too-familiar war ends, I'm doing a proper sendoff for all the people this half-living warmachine has snuffed out while this possessed hunk of refurbished scrap is seriously examined.
cU: gentlemanMannerism, bakedGlacier, lightspeedDragon, nekoMiko, do you copy? I’m heading to Maho right now with Sakuya in tow, they actually got her.
cU: Reimu, you there? Reimu?
???: Well well well, if it isn't The Glass Soldier. Your oh-so-precious miko is gone… or she will be once I work these damn seals off. You cannot stop it, foolish pacifist: Gensokyo’s barrier will fall, and all shall return to inanimate, primordial Zebraspace. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME gM: Thanks for the heads-up, Iji.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:36:16 GMT -5
Side 3 Act 2: GAIA SEED (Or, In Which We Start Filling Our Inventory With Lots Of Random Junk) (And then we meet a random mercenary and go beat up a big, giant fish, among other things) So, I’m going through this farm, and I head to the next Pokémon Center and then there’s this
random mercenary Who just DEMANDS a battle and I go “Really?” after acting like I’ve never heard of the name Alice Latian. Who let that slip?! Oh, and one more thing: the trial captain, Lana, has a fetish for being a lifeguard. I’ll just make sure that one of my future children finds out she’s not such a good swimmer when she meets her. Hopefully we can turn her. *maniacal laughter*
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:38:15 GMT -5
Side 1 Act 3: Nyanko Daisensou no Genyousei {bgm}Nefer: Okay, the delivery is done. Next stop, those five Muslim fairies: we need every advantage over the dictator, and I am willing to use psychological warfare to get that advantage. If I can at least get them to act as guerrilla fighters, I can strike fear into the hearts of his troops. Nefer: um. At least I think it might work. Nefer: Yes, Mekako, I am a cruel, conniving sonovabitch.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:39:39 GMT -5
Side 2 Act 3: Gloria Filio {bgm}Wriggle: Listen, Koishi. We've lost this war. The catfish has Dai and Mystia, the Ignitions have Chen, Cirno is too busy gaming to help, Rumia is absent, and Yamame is missing. I want you to take this summoning stone: if you ever need me, activate it. Wriggle: I'm going off on my own. It's a bleak situation, but someone has to try to win to make progress, however small. I'll probably fail, but there has to be hope. Wriggle: I have to try if I am to rescue my friends.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:41:11 GMT -5
Side 3 Act 3: GAIA BLOOM (Or, In Which The Aether Foundation Turns Out To Be Blind As A Noibat) (And then we send ourselves to an island and have Greninja man our team again as we train) So, I’m thinking this, from like some island or something. Somehow. Illusion me’s been spotted several times now by those Aether jerks, including an admin. I think they’re remembering me by my Riding Outfit now. It turns out that the Professor’s wife just cannot recognize him ever. His “Masked Royal” act is… foolproof. I might have to find a luchador mask someday, that’d throw the Foundation off my tail. Oh, and before I forget, Mohn is totally a hologram. And the Aether Foundation is a bunch of stupid jerks who have seemingly forgotten that I can change my clothes at any time. If they'd just force me to show them my team, they'd have me then.
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:50:09 GMT -5
Nefer: Gosh, it looks like the… Um… Uh. That's. Nefer: … Nefer: … Nefer: … Nefer: Um. That's… That's not supposed to look like that, right? With all the hellfire and brimstone? Nefer: gosh is that magma oh my gods this is going to be !!!FUN!!! Nefer: (screaming into distance) HEY TRUMP VON FUCKFACE MCIDIOTBAKA!...
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Post by Nefer Nightbug on Mar 18, 2017 9:59:21 GMT -5
Okay, let’s go over the list. Are the fey all dolled up: yes; are the cats ready and dressed to help: yep; have the fey been armed: not really, I’ve had to improvise. Do we know where our allies are: check. Are our mines primed: umm… no? Surprisingly, those fairies didn't arm them already. Smart. Do we have numbers: uh, three thousand? Hold on, that's about three thousand fairies alone, and ~1.5 cats. Still not really enough. Do we have transports: indeed; do we have hope: no not really; do we have a team name: no, we don’t. Darn. A random fairy: Leader, we've spotted a large platoon of enemy troops in mechas heading straight for the village of cats. We need to head out this moment. Nefer: Okay then, let's move out. Nefer: Take Off Every 'ZIG'!! Nefer: You know what you doing. Nefer: Move 'ZIG'. Nefer: For Great Justice.
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