Post by unfathomableArchitect on Nov 10, 2012 20:53:58 GMT -5
(( So I posted a comment on the faq that inspired me to write a whole article, but I don't have an Ao3 account and didn't know where to put it so... here it is ))
Usually, you won't have to deal with time bullshit.
Statistically speaking, few of you are Native Time players, and many of you without many games under your belt have rolled Time.
For those of you who do have experience playing Time, this isn't for you. This is for those unlucky bastards who end up in a session that doesn't have a Time player or has an incompetent one that can't manage his damn timelines.
So the big question is, without Time powers, how does one orchestrate Time Bullshit? The baton is not one that just anyone can wield, and our conductor is dead/missing/nonexistant/completely useless in every way. But here we are, so deep in Time Bullshit that we could use it to fertilize a whole field of Time Pumpkins and feed them to our consorts and then never sleep again as pieces of them start teleporting away in pieces or falling into time or..
I'm falling away from the point of this, aren't I? Okay. How are we going to Time Bullshit without Time Powers.
The Beat Mesa, of course.
Why yes, that Beat Mesa. The very same Beat Mesa which you were told to stay away from because it could completely obliterate your timeline and every splinter without any chance to escape short of leaving the session. The Beat Mesa which is one of the most dangerous things in all of Sburb to damage because if you complete the Scratch you cease to exist so hard that all of your posts disappear as soon as circumstancial simultanity catches up with your deleted ass.
We're gonna play with it.
First thing to realize about The Beat Mesa is that you've got power to spare. You don't have to worry about running soon. If normal time travel is a handgun then The Scratch is a Nuke. And the Beat Mesa has more than one nuke's worth of power in it's arsenal, let me tell you.
Second thing is that you're gonna hack it.
I've actually found two ways.
The first requires being a heart player with the sudokucidal insanity enough to mess with the shiny of a thing that can delete you forever.
The second requires a captcha of the session disk from the Skaian Magicant, Mastery level knowledge of ~ATH, some really bizarre alchemy, a fragrant amount of whiskey, and Infinity tears (Elf tears optional but best).
With that, I've discovered two things you can do with the Beat Mesa.
You can activate a Skaia Portal or you can splice a timeline.
If you activate a Skaia Portal you can go through it or send something through it.
...and that's it. Really. You don't get to pick. Skaia does. You could end up being an Exile. Or you could end up being like a certain Bard of Hope I know who had a really annoying shitty guardian who harassed us all session in a gogdamned kabuki mask until said Bard hopped through a portal I made for the sake of science.
Then Kabuki-Bro took off our mask and he was actually the shitty creepy Bard only twenty years older and the fucker raised himself auuugh why do you do this to me Paradox Spaaaaaaaaaaaace?!
...*cough*
The second thing is Splicing, which is taking pieces from a splinter timeline that never came to be and bringing them into the alpha. Splicing is really awesome but I once accidently spliced into a timeline where I had been stabbed in the windpipe and barely managed to get kiss revived by Kabuki-Bro before he flashstepped off.
Splicing is... okay it's kinda hard to explain. It also breaks all of Sburb's (mostly) consistant if confusing (and way too related on simultanious circumstantial bullshit) temporal mechanic rules and does it's own thing. The best way I can describe it is thus:
Let's say your Guardian loves Doritos. He loves Doritos so much that he has a giant pile of them in the corner of the room. All of them are Nacho Cheese because he only loves two flavors but before Meteor Adventure Time, Doritos discontinued Cooler Ranch.
So you wanna do him a solid, so you splice in a timeline where instead Cooler Ranch ended up a little more popular.
Depending on how your slice goes, you could end up changing it to <The world where nacho cheese was discontinued>, and all of his chips will turn into Cooler Ranch because that's what happened. Nobody's memories will change, but all of a sudden you've got Cooler Ranch chips.
You could also end up properly combining <The world where nacho cheese was continued> and <The world where cooler ranch was continued> and turn it into a mixed pile. Your Guardian is even happier since he doesn't need to sacrifice, and he even gives your a Guardianhug and you get a Revelawesome out of it all.
But if you fuck up you'll mix <The world where nacho cheese was discontinued> and <The world where cooler ranch was discontinued> and the pile turns into pringles because fuck those other flavors. And you can't set things back to normal with just one splice because you're now in a world where <Due to unpopularity and both losing a vote to oneanother somehow, neither were continued> and you'll need to work from there.
Splicing is complicated.
Overall, my advice is...what?
No, that's a stupid idea.
You what?
What?!
What.
Okay, I gotta see this.
unfathomableArchitect signing out. Apparently my coplayers have found a way to get the Derse and Prospit archagents to get along well enough to share ghost stories over an open campfire. I gotta see this.
Usually, you won't have to deal with time bullshit.
Statistically speaking, few of you are Native Time players, and many of you without many games under your belt have rolled Time.
For those of you who do have experience playing Time, this isn't for you. This is for those unlucky bastards who end up in a session that doesn't have a Time player or has an incompetent one that can't manage his damn timelines.
So the big question is, without Time powers, how does one orchestrate Time Bullshit? The baton is not one that just anyone can wield, and our conductor is dead/missing/nonexistant/completely useless in every way. But here we are, so deep in Time Bullshit that we could use it to fertilize a whole field of Time Pumpkins and feed them to our consorts and then never sleep again as pieces of them start teleporting away in pieces or falling into time or..
I'm falling away from the point of this, aren't I? Okay. How are we going to Time Bullshit without Time Powers.
The Beat Mesa, of course.
Why yes, that Beat Mesa. The very same Beat Mesa which you were told to stay away from because it could completely obliterate your timeline and every splinter without any chance to escape short of leaving the session. The Beat Mesa which is one of the most dangerous things in all of Sburb to damage because if you complete the Scratch you cease to exist so hard that all of your posts disappear as soon as circumstancial simultanity catches up with your deleted ass.
We're gonna play with it.
First thing to realize about The Beat Mesa is that you've got power to spare. You don't have to worry about running soon. If normal time travel is a handgun then The Scratch is a Nuke. And the Beat Mesa has more than one nuke's worth of power in it's arsenal, let me tell you.
Second thing is that you're gonna hack it.
I've actually found two ways.
The first requires being a heart player with the sudokucidal insanity enough to mess with the shiny of a thing that can delete you forever.
The second requires a captcha of the session disk from the Skaian Magicant, Mastery level knowledge of ~ATH, some really bizarre alchemy, a fragrant amount of whiskey, and Infinity tears (Elf tears optional but best).
With that, I've discovered two things you can do with the Beat Mesa.
You can activate a Skaia Portal or you can splice a timeline.
If you activate a Skaia Portal you can go through it or send something through it.
...and that's it. Really. You don't get to pick. Skaia does. You could end up being an Exile. Or you could end up being like a certain Bard of Hope I know who had a really annoying shitty guardian who harassed us all session in a gogdamned kabuki mask until said Bard hopped through a portal I made for the sake of science.
Then Kabuki-Bro took off our mask and he was actually the shitty creepy Bard only twenty years older and the fucker raised himself auuugh why do you do this to me Paradox Spaaaaaaaaaaaace?!
...*cough*
The second thing is Splicing, which is taking pieces from a splinter timeline that never came to be and bringing them into the alpha. Splicing is really awesome but I once accidently spliced into a timeline where I had been stabbed in the windpipe and barely managed to get kiss revived by Kabuki-Bro before he flashstepped off.
Splicing is... okay it's kinda hard to explain. It also breaks all of Sburb's (mostly) consistant if confusing (and way too related on simultanious circumstantial bullshit) temporal mechanic rules and does it's own thing. The best way I can describe it is thus:
Let's say your Guardian loves Doritos. He loves Doritos so much that he has a giant pile of them in the corner of the room. All of them are Nacho Cheese because he only loves two flavors but before Meteor Adventure Time, Doritos discontinued Cooler Ranch.
So you wanna do him a solid, so you splice in a timeline where instead Cooler Ranch ended up a little more popular.
Depending on how your slice goes, you could end up changing it to <The world where nacho cheese was discontinued>, and all of his chips will turn into Cooler Ranch because that's what happened. Nobody's memories will change, but all of a sudden you've got Cooler Ranch chips.
You could also end up properly combining <The world where nacho cheese was continued> and <The world where cooler ranch was continued> and turn it into a mixed pile. Your Guardian is even happier since he doesn't need to sacrifice, and he even gives your a Guardianhug and you get a Revelawesome out of it all.
But if you fuck up you'll mix <The world where nacho cheese was discontinued> and <The world where cooler ranch was discontinued> and the pile turns into pringles because fuck those other flavors. And you can't set things back to normal with just one splice because you're now in a world where <Due to unpopularity and both losing a vote to oneanother somehow, neither were continued> and you'll need to work from there.
Splicing is complicated.
Overall, my advice is...what?
No, that's a stupid idea.
You what?
What?!
What.
Okay, I gotta see this.
unfathomableArchitect signing out. Apparently my coplayers have found a way to get the Derse and Prospit archagents to get along well enough to share ghost stories over an open campfire. I gotta see this.
