Why my benefactors aren't so badSo,

[darknessMerchant]

So, uh, yeah. Hi! I'm Susan. No, wait. James? Uhh... Robert?

I don't really remember my name. Anyways I wanted to tell everyone that my benefactors aren't all that bad. Well, they are sorta bad. Yes, they do oppose Skaia, and yeah, they would prefer if everyone dies but it's not really on their agenda, it's more of a "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if every Sburb player died so we could have awesome bubble parties with everyone and be their friends forever?"

Anyways, so you know why I know my benefactors are pretty cool, I'll tell you how my first session went down!


Total wipe.

Angels killed everyone. All of us (though I came back) died. The kings and queens died. Our lands died. The Others came into the session to keep the angels from getting Skaia. I don't know why.

But one of them decided that he would be a tanglebuddy and he came to me while I was suffering from holes in my soul, having had them burnt in before I tiered. So I just laid there. I had so many holes in my soul. So many holes. The corruption itself was gone, but my being was like swiss cheese.

And he plugged the holes! He plugged the holes and got me out of there, and all I have to do to keep the plugs and not have them torn out (and my soul torn apart in the process) is kill 300 players, or permanently kill 100, or a combination. Seems like a fair deal to me. So I decided to do it as a legitimate businessman instead of a mad serial killer.

And I'm past halfway there! Isn't that great?

[wanderingDreamer]

Wait, so, hypothetically speaking, you could help 300 players God-Tier, or permakill 100 PKers, and all will be hunky-dory for you?
Dude, you could probably market THAT as your schtick. God-Tiering aid. Exile-blocked from committing suicide, that commonly leaves people either having to goad Jack Noir into shanking them in their sleep, or having to convince one of their co-players to off them, which would be a highly traumatic experience.
Then you swoop in, offer to, at no expense, kill them for their God-Tiering, and save a bunch of people from a risky/traumatic situation.
Or would that anger your benefactors?

[darknessMerchant]

Well, 29 of my killings HAVE been helping someone tier or ended in someone tiering even if it wasn't the explicit purpose.

They don't really like it when I do that but they didn't specify I couldn't. But after I tiered everyone in one session one of them said they weren't gonna be tanglebuddies with me anymore and that makes me sad.

[grinningcat]

Oh man, you totally need to help me tier if we're ever in a session.

Apparently, most people aren't comfortable witht he thought of killing someone even if it'd help the person being 'killed'

Also, you have the same name as one of my friend. James, yeah.

[graveMusic]

I only god tiered because my friend berserked and accidentally killed every-

No wait, that was my friend...

Fuck my short term memory is bad.

I hate sburb. Why do we have to die? It adds needless trauma when we could just sleep. It should be a quest coffin. That is at least alliterative and slightly more obvious as to what should happen.